Breaking Down Read online

  Table of Contents

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-one

  Twenty-two

  Twenty-three

  Twenty-four

  Twenty-five

  Twenty-six

  Twenty-seven

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Meet Holly Renee

  Copyright 2016 Breaking Down by Holly Renee

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This book is a piece of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Published: Holly Renee 2016

  Cover Design by Murphy Rae of Indie Solutions

  Editing and formatting by Silla Webb

  This love story is on loan until you find your very own.

  Never give up.

  My heart pounded in my chest as I pressed the gas pedal to the floor in Kat’s car. The walls of the car seemed to be closing in on me, and the open window only seemed to suck out my breath. I felt like a caged animal. Anger and fear coursed through my veins, and I wasn’t sure which feeling would take over. We were too close to losing Kat. Too damn close. I wanted to kill her piece of shit brother, but I wasn’t any better than he was. At least his sister made it. He could walk up to his sister and put his arms around her. He could see her smile. Watch her laugh.

  My chest squeezed so tight I could barely breathe. It did it every time I thought about Kara. Every time I thought about how I didn’t protect my baby sister. I tried to avoid thinking about her at all costs, but this situation with Kat brought Kara’s memory crashing into me like a tidal wave. The feeling of drowning had become a familiar sensation over the years, but it was one I would never get used to. My lungs filled with haunting memories but somehow I still managed to tread water. Somehow I still managed to breath in enough air to survive.

  I pressed the pedal harder and Kat’s Camaro purred under the pressure I was putting on it. I knew Kat would kill me if she saw the way I was driving her baby, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I needed it. I needed to feel something other than the gut wrenching pain of Kara’s smiling face flashing through my thoughts.

  There was only one person that I wanted to see. She was the only one who could make me forget. She was the only one who could take all the pain away. She was too damn good for me. I would ruin her. I knew it, but I couldn’t stop it. I had to have her. I had been holding back with her, but I couldn’t anymore. I needed to feel her. My foot got even heavier as I raced my way to the one place I knew I had no business going to.

  “Are you sure that she’s okay?” The panic in my voice almost made my words unintelligible.

  “Yes, Erica. I promise. She’s asleep with her head in my lap right now. We’ll be home soon. You should check in on Gabe.” Blake’s words did little to ease my anxiety, but as soon as he mentioned Gabe’s name a different sort of panic took over.

  “Is he okay?” I squeaked.

  “Physically, yes. I think this just hit a little too close to home for him.”

  I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew Blake wouldn’t tell me. If I knew anything about Blake Reagan, it was that he was madly in love with my best friend, and he was fiercely loyal to Gabe.

  “Okay. I’ll try to talk to him, but you know he doesn’t open up to me.”

  “Just give him time and be there for him. That’s all he needs.”

  Blake and I said our goodbyes then I rang Gabe. It went straight to voice mail and the fear inside me seemed to double.

  “Gabe. It’s Erica. I’m just calling to check on you. Are you okay? I hope you’re okay. I’m here for you. You know that right? I’m always here for you when you need me. Just… call me when you get this. I need to know that you’re okay.” I barely managed to whisper out the message. It was hard to tell Gabe how I actually felt because he didn’t want to hear it. Gabe didn’t feel nearly the same about me as I felt about him, but I didn’t care. I would wait for him to come around. I would give him time.

  Gabe was about as closed off as they came. Sure, we talked and laughed, but it was never about anything of any importance. If I dared skim past the surface, Gabe would shut down and any progress that I had made with him would disappear into thin air.

  We were friends. Friends who didn’t talk about anything that actually mattered and who had to restrain themselves from jumping each other on a regular basis. I didn’t know when it happened. We never had a talk with each other about not becoming anything more. Note the not talking about anything of importance.

  We were just pushed there. It wasn’t a gentle push. Gabe steered our relationship straight into the friend zone and never looked back. There were times when I knew it was killing him. I would catch him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. The way he stared at my lips when I talked caused me to squirm in my seat.

  There had been too many times to count when something would almost happen, but Gabe would always pull himself out a sort of trance and lock everything down again. He danced with me when we went out, he sat next to me at the bar, he made it impossible for any other man to get close to me, but he never allowed himself to get close either. It was infuriating.

  I was going to die of sexual frustration. It was killing me. I couldn’t hide my lust the way Gabe did. He could see it. He knew I wanted him. Franggy, my vibrator, had been putting in his time. We had spent more time together since I met Gabe than we ever had before. He was loyal, and he didn’t just want to be my friend.

  A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts and day dreams about Franggy. I opened the door and the next thing I knew I was being slammed against the wall by Gabe. A picture frame fell off the wall in a loud crash, but it barely penetrated through my shock. I had no idea what the hell Gabe was doing. His mouth came down on mine and he roughly took what he wanted. Our tongues danced, teeth clashed, and lips dragged across each other. I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t think. The only thing that I could process was that Gabe was kissing me and I didn’t want it to stop. His hands were rough against my body. Pulling me into him like he had no other choice. I melted under his touch.

  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to hold on, and I could feel the tension vibrating through his body. Concern washed through me, but I would never stop him. So I kissed him with everything I had. I didn’t know what happened with Kat. I didn’t know what he had experienced in his life to make him so closed off, but in that moment, I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered to me was taking it all away.

  Gabe pulled his mouth from mine and worked his way down my neck. My chest was heaving when he bit down on my ear.

  “I need to fuck you, Erica.” His voice was rougher than I had ever heard it before.

  I shivered in anticipation as I nodded my head, but he wasn’t looking for my reply. He wasn’t asking permission.

  Gabe spun me around until my chest was pressed against the wall. He moved my long blonde cur
ls to one side and brushed his lips against my neck. It was the only place I could feel him. He wasn’t touching me except for the soft trail of his lips.

  My hands were on the wall near my head supporting me as my knees felt like they might buckle. He kissed my neck just below my left ear as his hand skimmed my right hip. His touch was almost non-existent. It was pulling me in then disappearing before I could really get a taste. I tried to look over my shoulder to see what he was doing, but as soon as my eyes met his, his hand on my hip tightened, and he slammed my hips back against his.

  My moan echoed throughout the room as I felt his length against my ass. I leaned my forehead against the wall and tried to slow down my breathing. His touch was consuming me. Gabe pulled my hips out further until I was bent at the waist with my hands on the wall. His hands crawled up my sides leaving chill bumps in their wake. I felt him lean over my body right before his teeth grazed my ear and his hands began kneading my breasts.

  I pushed back into him and ground my hips against his. His hands moved up my t-shirt until they were at the edge of my v-neck, each hand caressing me as they moved. He tugged on the top of my shirt, and my nipples tightened in anticipation of his hand moving below the fabric that separated us.

  Cool air hit my chest as my shirt was ripped down the middle. I couldn’t stop my moan or the shiver that ran through my body. My t-shirt hung open as Gabe slipped his right hand into my bra and electricity shot through me when his rough skin finally met my aching breast.

  “Please, Gabe.” My whimper filled the room as Gabe pulled me up until I was fully standing again.

  “What do you want? You want me to fuck your sweet pussy? God, Erica. I know you’re going to taste so sweet.”

  My moan was the only answer he got from me. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence. My arms were pulled tightly behind me and it took him no time to restrain them with my useless, ripped shirt. Excitement coursed through my veins as I tried to imagine what his next move would be. Sex had never been like this for me before. I longed for the next touch of his skin.

  Gabe’s rough fingers trailed from my back to my stomach as he moved in front of me. He didn’t make a move at first. He just stared. He stared into my eyes before his gaze slowly moved down my body to my breasts that were pushed forward due to my arms being pinned behind my back. He seemed to be so in control but just barely. I could feel him simmering just under the surface.

  Gabe leaned forward and softly kissed my neck. His thumbs snaked their way into the edge of my shorts and panties, and he slowly dragged them down my legs as his mouth trailed the same path down my skin.

  He didn’t pull his mouth from my body until he was on his knees in front of me. It was a sight that almost killed me. He looked so powerful yet so vulnerable in front of me. His eyes were hard but his pain couldn’t be hidden. He leaned his forehead against my stomach and took in a shuddering breath.

  I tugged on my arms. I wanted to comfort him. I needed to hold him and tell him that we would get through anything together. I needed him to know that I was here for him. It was the first time he had ever let himself be vulnerable in front of me, and I needed him as much as he needed me.

  My arms were locked into place and no matter how hard I pulled I couldn’t get them loose.

  “Gabe,” I whispered.

  He looked back up at me then, and just like that, the moment was gone. No longer was he looking hurt and vulnerable. That Gabe was long gone, and the cocky, smooth Gabe was in his place.

  “Don’t worry, baby. I got you.” His cocky smirk took over his face seconds before he ran his tongue through my center.

  The argument that was on the tip of my tongue disappeared instantly, and I struggled to hold myself up. Gabe must have felt my legs shaking as he was bringing me to the brink of ecstasy because his hands grabbed my ass roughly, and he pushed me harder against his mouth.

  “Oh God, Gabe.” My body felt like it was about to explode and somehow every feeling was intensified by the fact that I couldn’t move my arms. I had never let anyone restrain me in any way before. There had never been that level of trust.

  Gabe held me up as he brought my body to a point it had never reached before. My orgasm ripped through my body, the pleasure shooting through every inch of me. I screamed out his name and would have fallen if it wasn’t for his rough hands.

  Gabe stood from his knees and led me to my couch. My body was lax as he leaned me down over the back of the couch and my arms pulled tightly behind me.

  “You are so fucking beautiful.” His gruff voice was almost drowned out by the sound of his zipper.

  I turned my head back to look at him, but his dark silhouette was all I could see over my shoulder. His arms tugged his shirt over his head before he moved his body directly behind mine. When his length pressed into me for the first time, I whimpered. I had never wanted someone so much in my entire life.

  He slid his cock back and forth through my wetness before I heard the tear of a condom. He lined himself up with me, wrapped his hand in my hair, and slowly slid inside.

  His control lasted for only a moment before he let loose and began fucking me like he was dying for my body.

  My back arched almost painfully as he fisted my hair. His free hand ran slowly down the arch of my back and left a trail of chill bumps in their wake. I relaxed my body and pressed further into his thrusts.

  “Good girl.” The compliment seemed to clash with his next move as he slapped my ass hard enough that I felt the sting. It startled me momentarily before a pull started low in my belly again. I squirmed underneath him as a moan slipped from my lips.

  “You like that?”

  I nodded my head right as his hand came down hard again. I could feel myself falling over the edge. Falling further and further into him.

  “My dirty girl.” He bit down on my neck as his dirty words ran over me. I lost control then. I fell further into Gabe than I ever had and was lost in the sensation of feeling him surround me. Gabe pounded into me as I clamped down around him and drew out his orgasm.

  My body felt like rubber against the back of the couch as Gabe pulled away from my body and slowly untied my arms. He moved around the couch and pulled me into his arms as he sat.

  He ran his rough hands over my arms and rubbed out my sore muscles. I stared into his face, but he didn’t look up at me. He kept his eyes trained on the work his hands were doing.

  I moved my hand out from under his and touched his strong, clean-shaven jaw. His eyes jumped up to mine then and it shocked me how haunted he seemed. He was a ghost of the man he pretended to be in front of everyone else. It was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

  “Talk to me, Gabe,” I whispered, afraid to startle him back into the man he pretended to be.

  “I’m okay. Shit just got too real tonight. I just needed you.”

  My heart raced as he searched my face. It was the best thing I had ever heard him say. I didn’t need a declaration of love from him. I just needed to know that we were in this together. I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt like they wouldn’t survive if we didn’t have each other.

  “I’m here. I’m always here.”

  He closed his eyes against my words as if he was blocking them out. I tried to not let it hurt me, but it was hard.

  He pulled my body against his without another word and laid us down on the couch. He pulled a blanket over us as I tried to memorize the sound of his heart beat below my ear. He kissed my forehead and placed his arm around my back.

  I held on to him like he was my life line. He had never let me in this far. I had never been that close to the true Gabe before. It scared the hell out of me. Every time he let me in just a small amount, he pulled back just as hard. I didn’t know what I would do if he pulled back that hard now. I wouldn’t survive it.

  But that was how it seemed to work with Gabe, me holding on for dear life while not even realizing he was already slipping away.

  It had been four months
since I laid eyes on him. Four fucking horrible months. Just thinking about him had the hole inside my chest feeling like it was getting bigger.

  After our incredible night together, he slipped out of my bed as easily as he had slipped into my life. Losing him had wrecked me, but the havoc had begun the moment he walked into it. Nothing was the same from the moment I first laid my eyes on him that first night at the bar. Everything felt right and turned on its head all at the same time.

  The night that we had shared together felt like we had finally crossed a line that I had been pushing to cross for so long. I woke up wrapped in his scent, and it was the happiest I could ever remember being.

  When I opened my eyes, all thoughts of happiness left me as I took in the room around me. I felt like I was in a different world than the one I fell asleep in. It was like he had never been there. All signs of Gabe were gone from my apartment. If I didn’t feel the ache between my thighs, I would have wondered if I had dreamed him being there at all.

  I could still smell him against my skin but every other trace of him had disappeared. I sat up on the couch and looked around. Surely he had left a note or something. He couldn’t have done that to me. He wouldn’t. I pulled the throw blanket around my body and walked around the room. I felt like I was in a trance. I couldn’t believe that he had snuck out of my house without a backwards glance. I didn’t want to believe it.

  I spun around the room and tried to make sense of what was happening. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that he just left me. He left me without any explanation and no worry about how I would feel. He left me just as easily as I should have expected but dared to dream he wouldn’t.

  I sat back down on the couch as confusion and sadness took over my body. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry over Gabe until that moment, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it again.